An overwhelmed heart: Asking for prayer in a difficult time.

I'm not sure how to write this, or how much energy I have to do so, but I will try to cover the major points. I know many of you have seen recently through facebook that I have been sick, sick as in, sicker than normal. To the point where I cannot hold my baby, and can hardly walk on my own. The Lord has a new plan for my life. I'm not sure how long it will last, or what road it is leading to. All I know is that my life in the last two weeks has drastically changed, and what was already a dire/difficult/trying and very "one day at a time" life, has now become even more constricted. What we thought was a cold, turned into what we thought was the flu, turned into what we thought was strep throat, turned into what we think is mono, or perhaps even something even stranger. We are STILL waiting for the mono results, its been 4 days, and waiting has taken on a whole new meaning. Some may think mono isn't the worst thing in the world. You are right it isn't. But on top of an already chronically ill person who has a brand new baby, mono could quite possibly be one of the worst things in the world, especially because the only way for it to get better is to lay in bed, and get rest. Not the easiest thing to do with a baby. Whatever it is that I have, it has set my vertigo spinning in horrendous ways, has wipped out my energy completly to the point that even if I get 10 hours of sleep, I will wake up feeling as though I can still hardly walk to the restroom, or lift a drink to my mouth. How strange is all of this??? Where do I go from here, or what do I do???

The plan as of right now if for me to move back to Arizona to live with Jeremey's family. My baby needs to be taken care of, and I am incapable of doing so. Jeremey will still live here in California, as he needs to provide for our family and keep us insured for medical reasons. This situation makes my heart crumble, and I am bawling my eyes out even writing it. Reason number 1: because I will be apart from my other half, my best friend, and the only person who knows how to care for me in my illness. 2: Tatum will be away from her daddy during some of the most fun and monumental months in her life, not to mention she will also be away from her mom since I am unable to spend much time with her. 3: I hate to be a burden on people. HATE IT. There aren't many people in our society that know how to care for a very sick individual, people get burned out, or weirded out, things get awkward, tension rises, and times are just stressful. Oh how desperately I don't want to put the burden of myself and of a new baby on to my inlaws. Lord help us all! Some may be thinking, "well won't you just get better, and then be able to move back." well yes, in a normal case scenerio, with a normal individual, with a normal immune system that could very well be the case, in fact yes it could very well be the case with me too. LORD willing! But typically my body, with such a low immune system has a very very hard time recovering from any illness. When I get sick, I get SICK. A normal mono case lasts 2-3 months, some longer. In my glass half full mind, and knowing my body so well, I can only expect for it to last much longer than that, if not linger indefinitely, and increase my already horrendous chronic vertigo. Pray with me that this is not the case, and pray for my pessimism. It is a snare on my soul, and causes great fear. To seperate my family during what should be some of the most joyous times of our life makes me so angry, so sad, so confused as to WHY the Lord would let yet ANOTHER illness lay hold of my life. I truly did not believe something like this could happen again, especially since I was already currently struggling to make it through each day. I ask you to pray on our behalf, that the Lord would reunite our family back as one SOON. That this viral infection would not linger, but that it would GET OUT and STAY OUT. That my body will recover and that I will be able to hold Tatum again. That my husband would be led by the Lord as to what to do next, in the case that this illness stays, that the Lord would speak to Him about moving back to Arizona indefinitely or where to find a job. Pray for Tatum as she obviously is too young to understand, but will be effected by being seperated from her parents, and not being a family unit. Pray for Jeremey's family as they are about to have their lifes changed too, and take on such a big task. And pray for our hearts as they are so confused, saddened and overwhelmed by the situation. Hopefully the next blog I write will provide more uplifting information. Till next time ...

Arizona comfort: visiting the Wilson clan for the 1st time!

(I don't have much time to write, my little goob is especially fussy tonight. It's strange because she has been the happiest baby ever recently, but I wanted to put these pictures up before its too late, and she looks totally different again.)

This last weekend, us Wilson 3 went to Arizona to visit the Wilson side for the first time. We warned Tatum that the family was big, busy and often loud, and that it might be quite different for her than the low key environment she is use to. She ended up LOVING it, she was all smiles, and Loved the constant energy and many faces, and entertainment. The cousins had a blast with her, all 11 of them. She is a true blown Wilson, not afraid of people, and Loves to talk! She found her voice this weekend, having full blown conversations with her grandma and aunty! We went to church on Sunday, and she didn't even cry once, what a trooper! Sunday night though I had a very bad attack of vertigo, I ended up collapsing on the floor, we think because of dehydration and lack of sleep. Grandma took care of Tatum though, and she didn't seem phased by the situation at all. For lack of time, I will just write some captions under the pictures. Today she is 9 weeks old, can you believe it???

Aunt Stephanie surprised us with a special gift of many many headbands and flowers and bows made by her. She also made a few shirts for Tatum, one of which she is wearing in these pictures. We call Tatum "T" all the time, probably more often than her real name. Such a cute shirt. Also she is wearing her special Vans that grandma gave her before she was born. I randomly decided to try them on her, and I'm glad I did because she could hardly fit in them, so we had to snag a picture.

I Love this picture, hahaha, little onesie and little vans and little chubby legs!

Couldn't decide which was cuter out of all of these pictures, so I just decided to put a bunch up. I know the Grandmas will appreciate the pictures. Another headband made by Stephanie!

Hahaha. Grandma put her in the pot, and shot a photoshoot of her! She wasn't quite sure what to think.

These pictures of her in her black headband were taken not long after I collapsed, not the fondest memories for me, but I'm glad she came to visit me in bed when I was so sick!

The Dorsey Boys. I Love them so much!

Cousin Micah and Emily Loving on Tatum. Micah Loved her so much, he would grab blankets and pillows for her and prop her up and swing her in the swing. Micah and I have a special bond, so naturally he was in Love with his new baby cousin!

Jeremey goofing off with the Dorsey cousins. We are just missing Emily.

Cousin Amber holding Tatum. She is such a good Love!

Special time with grandma and grandpa. We Love you guys!

Fastest blog I have ever written ...