From Christmas to New years ...

I never thought in a million years I would say it ... but I must ... I did NOT have my baby before Christmas. Did anybody on this planet think that would ever happen??? We opened all her gifts without her and had no baby to stuff in an oversized stocking to stick under the tree for adorable pictures. Instead my belly grew bigger and my discomfort stronger ... Now we wait ... shifting our gears to ... HAVING A NEW YEARS BABY ... wow, then again I just looked at the calendar and realized that that date is only 6 days away, and at this point I wouldn't put anything past the "toddler" living inside me. She is on her own schedule. For the sake of the switchover of insurance we have starting on January 1st, and the massive headache and sheer chaos that may come from it, will you all be praying that somehow we can have her, and be out of the hospital by the 31st? We know that whatever happens the Lord will take care of us, but why not ask the Lord for specifics right, asking in His WILL. Also be praying that I can somehow deliver an overdue baby WITHOUT induction and without a C section ... Love you all, Merry Christmas and a very happy new year from the Wilsons 2.99999!!!

My daughter is due today, December 20th 2010!!!

Baby Brynn, with my one and only doll growing up. Her name was Ninja Baby. Can you tell I grew up with brothers?

Baby Jeremey looking super cute in his onesie, with that same smile and energy for life as he has now!

I have never been more emotional in my life than I am right now ... (haha) so many hormones. I just looked at the clock and it is 12:20 on 12/20. I have been waiting for this day for 10 months, and the emotions just hit me like a weight I have never felt before. My daughter is due TODAY. Now I know it could still be days away, but there is something about this certain day arriving that sends shivers across my skin, and anxiousness through my blood, and a joy/fear so great through my heart that I truly don't even know what emotion I am feeling anymore. hahaha. I was so certain I would not make it to this day during my pregnancy, in fact I would have bet nearly anything I would deliver early. So now I lay here feeling like I have been thrown to the wind, wandering aimlessly toward a date that only the Lord knows. I have heard countless things about the physical discomfort and pain you feel at the 40th week of pregnancy, but how come nobody ever told me that I would feel like a teenage girl, on her period, after getting dumped before prom, on the day her dog died, while being stranded on a desert island??? TOTAL exaggeration, but none the less, I am a nut. hahaha. Poor poor husband of mine. I Love you Jeremey! So today is the day, and unless things pick up really quickly I think today is going to come and go pretty quickly. With Christmas being so close there is this extra hint of stress to get this baby out soon, but I suppose at this point, we will be celebrating her birthday in July regardless, so she doesn't feel jipped of a birthday her whole life. Thank you to the many many who have been praying. Sorry if I haven't responded back to some of your messages, calls or texts lately, know that I read each one, and am grateful beyond words for your concern and Love. Baby _ _ _ _ _ middle name Wilson. You have been a wonderful, energy filled, vibrant little trooper inside my belly for 10 months. We prayed countless prayers for you to develop fully and to grow strong, we have wept over you, jumped for joy over you, spent hours upon hours watching and feeling you move, and have had a gazillion people guess your name (to which not one person has EVER guessed. to all you guessers out there) We could not be more excited that you have made it this far, and will continue to wait till you are ready. Just know your mom has a lot of growing to do in the area of PATIENCE ... hint hint. Come soon!

Not yet, but soon!

39 weeks, and really looking BIG

I'm back, and might be back again still. Nope, no baby yet ... trust me I am more anxious than anyone. But now I have switched into, "I don't think this baby is ever going to come out mood." I realized just a couple days ago something pretty significant. Since being sick for over 4 years with no answers to any of my symptoms, I have a strange but real "complex" that forces me into believing that all physical symptoms I ever get, whether that be a cold, a hang nail, the flu, anything, will never leave or never heal. I have realized that I have done the same thing with pregnancy. Somewhere deep within me I actually think that my pregnancy symptoms will never go away, and that this baby will just continue to grow and grow just the same way my real illness has. Weird huh? With my chronic vertigo there is no tangible light at the end of the tunnel, besides heaven of course, and daily I forget that this baby WILL COME OUT. The breaking back pain will subside, my bladder, and pelvic pain will subside. My nausea will go away, heartburn will take a hike, I will be able to walk without shooting pains, and feeling as though im going to pass out. I will be able to sleep better (but less, I know), and I will be able to see the fruits of my labor, and hold in my arms all that was causing so much discomfort! Being pregnant is NOT chronic. But I keep thinking it is. S0 strange how your brain can play tricks on you, well, actually it's the enemy who is playing the tricks on me. He is trying to steal my joy, and make me see pregnancy the same way I see chronic illness. He is not going to win though!

At the beginning of this semester, Jeremey and I had a long list of events and "to do's" leading up to the birth of our baby. The list was quite daunting, as fall is such a busy season for most people. It seemed as though our checklist of birthdays, and weddings, filming weddings, anniversarys, work projects and other deadlines would never end and we would never reach the final box to check off (our babies due date). But we have made it. The final event to check off our list was the end of the fall semester and the finalizing of the semester highlight video for the students. This is one of Jeremey's main focus' here on campus, and it's a great tool to take home to friends and family to show them what goes on each semester. The video I posted below is the ending of the this years highlights. The full video can be seen at www.calvarychapelbiblecollege.com. It's sort of a surreal video for me to watch as it signifies a very long season, leading up to such a great ending. Though this video can mean so many different things to the students and staff here on campus, to me, it means WE HAVE MADE IT. The Lord has carried us through to the finish line. Here we go!

(Our due date is in one week. We will let every one of our dear friends know through mass text when she arrives. Do not worry, we aren't going to leave you in the dark, and will try to contact you through text before you randomly find out on facebook. We have had a few requests from friends and family that they would like to be informed as soon as I start going into labor, so they can pray through the whole grueling process right when it is happening, which will be much needed. I know that most of you will not want to know, or be woken up in the middle of the night, I totally understand. But if you are one of the crazy ones ;) send me a message on here, or on facebook and let me know and we will put you on the "no matter what time of day" list. It could still be up to two weeks, or tonight ... Pray SHE COMES SOON!)

This could be it! My pregnancy journey coming full circle!

I started this blog nearly 7 months ago, shortly after I got pregnant, on a whim, and with a mission to tell my unique story of being chronically ill while simultaneously growing a new life inside of me. I desired for friends, and family to have a deeper understanding of the journey I have been going through over the past 4 years, and for those same people to see the supernatural power and hand of Jesus Christ in my life as He transformed and knit together a little miracle inside my womb. To my surprise and ultimate delight these desires were accomplished 10 fold, and my simple little blog has reached thousands, many a thousands, a lot of which I assume are people I have never met and never will meet. If you are one of those people, I hope you have seen Jesus in my journey.

Over the last few months, my blog posts have been more practical updates, explaining details of my baby progressing, or noting the new and exciting adventures and milestones that my husband and I have been experiencing. Not knowing how many days or hours I have left till I go into labor I wanted to make sure I was able to bring my blog back to its original purpose at least one more time before things started getting really crazy. I want to be real, haha. So no holding back on this one. I want for those of you that read this, to know my fears, not just to know them, but so you can pray more efficiently, with more understanding, and more guidance.

• First, the last 9 months have not just been hard, or uncomfortable, they have been nearly impossible. The Lord has carried me. I was never put on official bedrest, but I have been in bed nearly the whole journey. Each trimester had its own fire that I had to endure. 1st trimester, (The battle of shock, adjustment and physical shut down ) all day nausea, extreme fatigue, lost 7 pounds. 2nd trimester (The emotional battle, and the battle of reoccurring and intensified previous illness) My hardest trimester, my vertigo came back in full force and 5 times stronger than my normal sickness. When everyone tells you that the second trimester is the best, and then you feel at least 100 times worse, you begin to face emotional battles that you never knew existed. I doubted every single ability I had, and didn't know if I could make it to the end. 3rd trimester, (The body battle), my little frame has a difficult time carrying so much weight. Because I have been so sick for 4 years, my body has no endurance, so doing the simplest of tasks is like running a marathon. Every day gets harder.
• Second, situationally, and emotionally my illness throughout this pregnancy has separated me further and further from friends. I have gone missing in many respects in fear that people could not handle to see me in such dire times. It's been sort of strange. People can sympathize with pregnancy illness to some extent, but to lay on top it a debilitating condition that I previously had, confuses people. I feel as though people just don't get why it's so hard, and I very much understand your confusion. I have friends in my life who battle with all sorts of illnesses, and in my lack of understanding in previous years I couldn't fathom why it was so hard for them either. I guess we all have to come to a place where we realize that we can never understand the pain of another, and to be careful to be respectful of that, and not assume that we could deal with it better than them.
• Third, as the time draws near, I am becoming so excited to meet my daughter that I can hardly stand it. I want to cuddle her NOW. But I still have enormous fears, that I need much prayer for. My body is so tired. As many of you know, or maybe not, I also have chronic insomnia. Have had it since freshman year of high school, almost 12 years. So when I say that I don't sleep, I mean it, not that it's just uncomfortable to sleep, but really, I will just lie awake no matter how tired I am. This is gearing me up for a very difficult delivery as I need as much energy as possible. Please pray that the Lord will give me HIS strength to push and endure contractions. Pray that I do not have to have a C section, the recovery process might kill me, haha. Out of the 13 grandchildren on Jeremey's side, all 13 were C-sections (all for good reasons though). I would Love to be the first Wilson of this generation to do it naturally. Still one of my other greatest fears is my ability to take care of my child after she is born. Having no clue as to how I will feel, how my vertigo will react to labor and medication, and so on I need so much prayer! Fear in finances, and medical bills, don't we all kind of fear this??? With one income, and a hefty medical record on my part alone is scary. Now another little life to care for and much prayer needed. Fear that my husband we soon collapse from overworking. His 8-5 job is great, he gets to do what he Loves, and has a great boss who is one of his best friends, but when he gets home is when the real job begins. Soon he will be caring for not only a sick wife but a little baby who keeps him up all night, not to mention a million side jobs that line up, and are a HUGE blessing, but still time consuming. Please pray for him!

All that said, I don't want any of you to think I'm over here complaining about the near future, I'm thrilled about the future, I'm just being informative, haha, and getting back to the reality of the situation and what this blog was initially all about. Jesus sustaining me, through the impossible. Upholding me through fire. Pulling me out of darkness and back into His light. Blessing me with his Love through others, a fantastic family, amazing in-laws, and supportive friends. Overflowing me with His grace when I don't deserve it. Giving me second, and third, and a million other chances to depend on Him and nothing else. Showering me with the Love of an honest, hardworking, Loving, and terribly entertaining husband. AND forming a beautiful vibrant life inside of me, my cuddly, beautiful, beat all the odds, miracle baby girl. I would have none of this without the Lord. I would have withered away a long time ago. There is a great joy in knowing and trusting Jesus. My advice to anyone struggling through something difficult, whether physically, situationally or emotionally would be this. Be honest in your struggles, stop pretending that you have life all figured out. Stop trying to look perfect, nobody is buying it, because nobody is perfect, to try to act that way, it will drive you insane and you will never achieve it. Let the Lord take those burdens, admit to him your weaknesses and express your need for Him.

SO SO soon my baby will be arriving, and though I expressed many fears of mine above. I want to tell you just one more. From the day I found out I was pregnant, I feared the health of my child. Being chronically ill myself I have been scared out of mind to see my child suffer. (My mom has had to see me suffer for over 4 years now, and though I understand some aspects of it, I haven't the slightest clue how difficult it has been for her). Though every test and ultrasound have come back fine so far, there is so still a great fear. Who knows what could happen in these final days. I need not fear because the Lord is in control, but I still do. Please pray for this.

I am almost 38 weeks pregnant, and if she arrives early, this could be my last blog before my life changes forever. But if she decides to stay in there for a while, I will probably be back to tell you how much I want her out, hahaha. eeek. It's so crazy. My greatest desire my entire life was to be a mother. I don't care about degrees, and jobs, and big houses and traveling and embracing my youth, and establishing myself, or any of those other things. The Lord says that children are one of the greatest blessings. Thank you to all of you bible college wives/moms out there who have shown me just how true that really is! And to all of you who have been reading this, I hope it has blessed you, and made you laugh at times too. I can't wait to share with you about life out of the womb. And to my precious Jeremey, I Love you so much, thank you for encouraging me to write this blog in the first place, and for encouraging me to continue it. We will always have a journal of our first child's pregnancy journey. Thank you for doing EVERYTHING, and for making me laugh every day. And to my little fizzywig, lil bit, roo, wiggleworm, pumpkin head, and all the other millions of names we have for you, including your real one, I Love you, now GET out of there, and come make "The Wilson 3" truly 3!