Sunday, December 26, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
I started this blog nearly 7 months ago, shortly after I got pregnant, on a whim, and with a mission to tell my unique story of being chronically ill while simultaneously growing a new life inside of me. I desired for friends, and family to have a deeper understanding of the journey I have been going through over the past 4 years, and for those same people to see the supernatural power and hand of Jesus Christ in my life as He transformed and knit together a little miracle inside my womb. To my surprise and ultimate delight these desires were accomplished 10 fold, and my simple little blog has reached thousands, many a thousands, a lot of which I assume are people I have never met and never will meet. If you are one of those people, I hope you have seen Jesus in my journey.
Over the last few months, my blog posts have been more practical updates, explaining details of my baby progressing, or noting the new and exciting adventures and milestones that my husband and I have been experiencing. Not knowing how many days or hours I have left till I go into labor I wanted to make sure I was able to bring my blog back to its original purpose at least one more time before things started getting really crazy. I want to be real, haha. So no holding back on this one. I want for those of you that read this, to know my fears, not just to know them, but so you can pray more efficiently, with more understanding, and more guidance.
- First, the last 9 months have not just been hard, or uncomfortable, they have been nearly impossible. The Lord has carried me. I was never put on official bedrest, but I have been in bed nearly the whole journey. Each trimester had its own fire that I had to endure. 1st trimester, (The battle of shock, adjustment and physical shut down ) all day nausea, extreme fatigue, lost 7 pounds. 2nd trimester (The emotional battle, and the battle of reoccurring and intensified previous illness) My hardest trimester, my vertigo came back in full force and 5 times stronger than my normal sickness. When everyone tells you that the second trimester is the best, and then you feel at least 100 times worse, you begin to face emotional battles that you never knew existed. I doubted every single ability I had, and didn't know if I could make it to the end. 3rd trimester, (The body battle), my little frame has a difficult time carrying so much weight. Because I have been so sick for 4 years, my body has no endurance, so doing the simplest of tasks is like running a marathon. Every day gets harder.
- Second, situationally, and emotionally my illness throughout this pregnancy has separated me further and further from friends. I have gone missing in many respects in fear that people could not handle to see me in such dire times. It's been sort of strange. People can sympathize with pregnancy illness to some extent, but to lay on top it a debilitating condition that I previously had, confuses people. I feel as though people just don't get why it's so hard, and I very much understand your confusion. I have friends in my life who battle with all sorts of illnesses, and in my lack of understanding in previous years I couldn't fathom why it was so hard for them either. I guess we all have to come to a place where we realize that we can never understand the pain of another, and to be careful to be respectful of that, and not assume that we could deal with it better than them.
- Third, as the time draws near, I am becoming so excited to meet my daughter that I can hardly stand it. I want to cuddle her NOW. But I still have enormous fears, that I need much prayer for. My body is so tired. As many of you know, or maybe not, I also have chronic insomnia. Have had it since freshman year of high school, almost 12 years. So when I say that I don't sleep, I mean it, not that it's just uncomfortable to sleep, but really, I will just lie awake no matter how tired I am. This is gearing me up for a very difficult delivery as I need as much energy as possible. Please pray that the Lord will give me HIS strength to push and endure contractions. Pray that I do not have to have a C section, the recovery process might kill me, haha. Out of the 13 grandchildren on Jeremey's side, all 13 were C-sections (all for good reasons though). I would Love to be the first Wilson of this generation to do it naturally. Still one of my other greatest fears is my ability to take care of my child after she is born. Having no clue as to how I will feel, how my vertigo will react to labor and medication, and so on I need so much prayer! Fear in finances, and medical bills, don't we all kind of fear this??? With one income, and a hefty medical record on my part alone is scary. Now another little life to care for and much prayer needed. Fear that my husband we soon collapse from overworking. His 8-5 job is great, he gets to do what he Loves, and has a great boss who is one of his best friends, but when he gets home is when the real job begins. Soon he will be caring for not only a sick wife but a little baby who keeps him up all night, not to mention a million side jobs that line up, and are a HUGE blessing, but still time consuming. Please pray for him!
All that said, I don't want any of you to think I'm over here complaining about the near future, I'm thrilled about the future, I'm just being informative, haha, and getting back to the reality of the situation and what this blog was initially all about. Jesus sustaining me, through the impossible. Upholding me through fire. Pulling me out of darkness and back into His light. Blessing me with his Love through others, a fantastic family, amazing in-laws, and supportive friends. Overflowing me with His grace when I don't deserve it. Giving me second, and third, and a million other chances to depend on Him and nothing else. Showering me with the Love of an honest, hardworking, Loving, and terribly entertaining husband. AND forming a beautiful vibrant life inside of me, my cuddly, beautiful, beat all the odds, miracle baby girl. I would have none of this without the Lord. I would have withered away a long time ago. There is a great joy in knowing and trusting Jesus. My advice to anyone struggling through something difficult, whether physically, situationally or emotionally would be this. Be honest in your struggles, stop pretending that you have life all figured out. Stop trying to look perfect, nobody is buying it, because nobody is perfect, to try to act that way, it will drive you insane and you will never achieve it. Let the Lord take those burdens, admit to him your weaknesses and express your need for Him.
SO SO soon my baby will be arriving, and though I expressed many fears of mine above. I want to tell you just one more. From the day I found out I was pregnant, I feared the health of my child. Being chronically ill myself I have been scared out of mind to see my child suffer. (My mom has had to see me suffer for over 4 years now, and though I understand some aspects of it, I haven't the slightest clue how difficult it has been for her). Though every test and ultrasound have come back fine so far, there is so still a great fear. Who knows what could happen in these final days. I need not fear because the Lord is in control, but I still do. Please pray for this.
I am almost 38 weeks pregnant, and if she arrives early, this could be my last blog before my life changes forever. But if she decides to stay in there for a while, I will probably be back to tell you how much I want her out, hahaha. eeek. It's so crazy. My greatest desire my entire life was to be a mother. I don't care about degrees, and jobs, and big houses and traveling and embracing my youth, and establishing myself, or any of those other things. The Lord says that children are one of the greatest blessings. Thank you to all of you bible college wives/moms out there who have shown me just how true that really is! And to all of you who have been reading this, I hope it has blessed you, and made you laugh at times too. I can't wait to share with you about life out of the womb. And to my precious Jeremey, I Love you so much, thank you for encouraging me to write this blog in the first place, and for encouraging me to continue it. We will always have a journal of our first child's pregnancy journey. Thank you for doing EVERYTHING, and for making me laugh every day. And to my little fizzywig, lil bit, roo, wiggleworm, pumpkin head, and all the other millions of names we have for you, including your real one, I Love you, now GET out of there, and come make "The Wilson 3" truly 3!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Claire was my little helper the whole time, and she did a great job. She even helped explained certain gifts to me that I may have been a little confused about. She's the oldest of four kids, so she probably knows a lot more about baby stuff than I do.
When we got home that night, Jeremey got out all the gifts from the shower so he could experience what I had. So cute. This is him opening up the gift from his mom, a full on amazing scrapbooked babybook. He was very impressed with his moms work. We all were!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Today is a very special day. It is Jeremey and my 1 year anniversary, and our little ones 8th month in the womb. The Lord has blessed us with so many gifts and we are really so undeserving. This year has gone by faster than any other time period in my life, and has been more jampacked with highs and lows than I could have ever imagined. No matter what the circumstance, or what the event there hasn't been one moment where I haven't cherished the time I have had with my husband. I am amazed by the man that he is, and am a billion times more in Love with him now than I have ever been. Marriage is so beautiful. One year ago today we vowed our lives to one another. It was the most incredible wedding I have ever been to, hahaha :) Here are a few pictures from the day!
This weekend we celebrated our anniversary early, and headed to Downtown Disney for the weekend. We have spent the last 2 halloweens at disneyland/disneyworld parks, (or at least the halloween season) so we thought we would make it a tradition and go for 3. We both Love the Disney atmosphere and just feeling like kids again. (hence the reason why we spent our honeymoon in Disneyworld). Because I am super pregnant, and can't go on any of the rides inside the park anyways, we just had a nice dinner in downtown disney and strolled around enjoying our time together! We ate at Joes Crab shack, which was the first resturant we ate at on our honeymoon. Jeremey couldnt believe how much I ate, and well, honestly either could I. I Love stalking up for my baby!!!
The first picture is from us at Joe's Crab shack this last weekend. The picture below it is from one year ago on our honeymoon. Too bad you can't see my belly in the top picture, But it's there and it's growing! I don't know why but I am just so bad at taking belly shots. It's just something I don't think about doing very often and when I do, I often feel to sick to dare snap a picture of myself. (Also sorry the picture is so dark, another blurry iphone shot taken by a busy waitress.) But like I said before I am 8 months along today. How crazy is that?
Not much longer and the anticipation is definitely growing. Tomorrow my
mom is flying down from Oregon to spend the week with us. She hasn't seen me pregnant yet, so this is going to be pretty monumental for her. I am having my baby shower this Saturday, and so Jeremey's family is also coming for the weekend. It should be such a joyous time, filled with many pictures that can fullfill your belly shot desires for at least a little while. Sorry to all of you who keep asking. Speaking of the baby shower, it is this weekend, Saturday the 30th, at 2pm, for those that live at or near the bible college. The evites have gone out, but I know from personal experience with email and evites that I often overlook a lot of emails, and miss a lot of events, haha. I am horrible with email. So here is a little reminder or a heads up for those of you that may be like me, and haven't heard anything about the shower. I am registered at babies r us, just search Brynn Wilson on the baby registry if you are interested. Some of you have also been wondering about what colors the baby room will be. I am not sure if we will get around to painting the room for a while, considering we are still moving in and situating ourselves. But we want to go with grey and yellow. The calm mellow yellow and grey. We aren't picky though, and will appreciate anything in any color, haha. This is kind of the feel we are going for as far as colors go.
Well I guess that is all for now, there is much celebrating to be done and lost of company to get ready for. This truly is such an exciting time looking back on a whole year with the Love of my life, and our soon to be new addition. I never would have expected to be here in a new home, with a new tiny life, getting ready for my entire world to change in a matter of weeks, But boy am I glad it all worked out this way. Jeremey and I are blown away by the Lord's continuous hand on our lifes, and will always covet and appreciate your prayers for our future!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
False alarm ... no, not the OMG, I think I'm going into labor type false alarm ... Praise the Lord ... but the "something might be wrong with your baby" type, which can actually be worse. Jeremey and I have been very realistic in the last nearly 8 months, knowing that at any time we could be hit with news that our baby is not 100% perfect. With all my medical issues, in a weird way, we have been expecting it. Every appointment up until she started kicking we would hold our breath while the doctor looked for a heart beat, and I have always been overly cautious and worried about every little twinge, or oddball thing that has come up concerning my baby. I think most moms are probably like this huh. Sometimes it it just so hard to trust the Lord and give up the worrying ...
At my 30 week appointment, my doctor said I was measuring way too small, or the baby, rather was measuring too small. A whole month (26 weeks). I know there are a thousand things that an OB could say that could be worse and set our world into a tailspin, but I was still a bit worried. I beat myself up a bit, believing that it was my fault, not eating enough, being sick, not taking the right vitamins, and so on. Had my baby stopped growing? Was something even greater wrong with her? Was she suffering inside of me because my body is so weak? The doctor set up a special ultrasound to be done just a few days later, this ultrasound would measure the baby exactly, instead of the OB just assuming there is something wrong by the size of my belly. We were a bit concerned but also excited that we would get to see our little ones face again, it's been a while. As fun as ultrasounds are though, I'm actually not a huge fan, only because they make you drink so much water that you feel like your bladder and your baby are gonna pop right out of you. Plus Jeremey and I got totally lost on the way to the clinic, then they set back our appointment time anyways, ugh, even more waiting, and unable to use the restroom.
But to see your baby is worth all of it ... When the tech checked the babies size, to our excitement she was a perfect 30 weeks and 5 days. She was ahead of schedual as far as size!!! Can you believe it. The OB was off by that much, well maybe she wasn't OFF, but my belly is just measuring that much smaller. The tech didn't seem fazed by it, she just said "you have a super small frame, but your baby is growing just fine." Woo hoo, my little goober is really doing it!!! What a relief! My thoughts at this point were "Praise the Lord, now lets see her sweet little face on the ultrasound screen." Our daughter had other plans though, she was flipped upside down and backwards in my womb, facing my backbone, so there wasn't a chance we could see her face ...I had hardly slept a wink the night before in anticipation of seeing her again, and though we were bummed about that situation, the reason we went in was to make sure she was growing correctly, so we left the clinic thrilled at our babies progress. It was just a false alarm. For now, all is well!
In other news, we are moved in to our new place. There is still so much to do, still things to unpack and put in there places, and still so many things we would Love to get to make our condo seem like a home rather than a bachelor pad. The time is going quickly and the home projects seem never ending, especially being sick, and nearly 8 months pregnant. But boy are we blessed. This is a season of new things, our lives will never again be the same. While talking to Jeremey the other day I mentioned something about just being "a kid" still and then we realized that we aren't at all. Yes we Love to laugh and goof off and have fun like kids, and we will both always be the babies of our immediate familes, but the Lord has built us up over the past years, has taught us to Love Him deeper in a more real way, and has prepared us to be parents. Thank you Lord for trusting us with these things!!! (Hopefully soon we will have pictures to share of our new place.)
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Yes, it's true, we are officially moving ... the Lord has provided in His perfect timing, and has blessed us with a condo just a couple months before the birth of our baby. We have been praying about where the Lord is leading us, and how we would find space to care for our growing family. YAYAY, we are so excited! Even better, we are just moving right down the road, into staff housing condos, no long drawn out moving days!!! We are thrilled for the little things, things that a lot of people might take for granted. Since we have been living in a dorm room for almost a year since we have gotten married, we have gotten use to very close quarters, and inventive living. Some of the things we are most excited about:
Friday, October 1, 2010
This last weekend we decided to drive to Arizona for the weekend to visit Jeremey's family for my birthday, and to get out of the heat, and into .... some more intense heat. It was a blessed time. We had Red Lobster for my birthday, my favorite, and a mini celebration party with pies on Saturday. Despite being terribly sick all of Saturday, it is always a joy to hang out with such a big energy filled family of terribly cute babies, on the brink of teenage adolescents, and gracious brothers, sisters and parents. We Love being Aunts and Uncles, I really feel so Loved by all of them when they come running to squeeze and hug us, and ask us continuously to move to Arizona to live with them. They are the funniest, sweetest most beautiful kids in the world. Our 4 year nephew even sat on the bottom of his stairs for 2 hours with a juicebox waiting for us when he heard the news of us coming, he eventually gave up, and made us a whole bag of cookies instead. Thanks Micah! Here is a picture of the fam last year at thanksgiving, the little ones have grown up quite a bit since then.
I didn't even intend on writing all that, I guess I just realized how much I miss them. My birthday came with many fun gifts, many of which were for the baby. An amazing diaper bag, sent from Oregon, thanks mom and Steve, and then one of the neatest gift ideas I've seen thus far, a whole arrangement of baby shoes, but not just any. All the brands my husband wore growing up, which just so happen to be most of the brands I wore too, just in miniature size!!! Nikes, Adidas, All Stars, Converse and Vans, Jeremey's favorite!!! Woo Hoo. Here is a picture of a few pairs.
Someday I would Love to get a pair of Sanuks and Toms for our little one. I think those are the only brands I wear these days, just imagine how cute she would be in them! I already looked them up and fell in Love.
Overall it was time well spent. But now we are back in California ready to take on the FALL, best time of the year. Next up, 1 year anniversary, baby shower and mom comes to visit, Jeremey's birthday, thanksgiving, end of the semester craziness, OUR babies due date, and then Christmas, all back to back. It's going to be an eventful 3 months, keep praying. Our bundle of joy is doing well, she tumbles and keeps me up a lot, but it is so exciting. We got some blood test results back this morning, and turns out I AM anemic, with low vitamin potassium levels. So I'll start taking the needed medication for that soon, and hopefully that will help improve even the slightest bit of the faintness and dizziness issues. Sorry for such a random post. But thats the Wilsons for ya!!!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
So, many of you have asked for more belly shots ... I thought I would throw one in of my face as well, and of our vacuum, I know everyone wants to see that. I am 27 weeks along here, 13 to go if she is full term. I feel big, and to my eye I look big, but people are still saying "you are hardly showing." This always makes me want to run to the closest mirror and/or eye doctor to see what these people are talking about. But I always seem to see some strange looking pregnant girl looking back at me. In any case, Jeremey and I are truckin along, and are so excited that we have made it to the 27 week mark, well not us, but her. But keep praying, the bigger she and I get, the more off balance and sick I feel. Not good for someone who has a chronic balance problem to start with. Next week will mark 7 months!!!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Well, today is baby Wilson's 22nd week in the womb. I can feel her move quite a bit now, and even though I actually lost 1 pound according to our ob visit on Thursday, I am significantly much bigger to the eye. We really have no idea why or how I lost weight again, but Jeremey and I always joke about how strange it is that at 22 weeks pregnant (117 pounds) that I am still so much smaller than I was back in my first and second semester here at bible college (2005/2006). I am actually starting to wear my clothes from back then. It's interesting because I never knew I weighed over 115, but most obviously I must have. Anyways, I guess that is insignificant information to most. I was just thinking out loud. I suppose that means that I don't have to buy quite as many maternity clothes! (not sure why this paragraph is bold, but I can't get rid of it, sorry)
Today, we went in for our midway scan of the baby, to get a thorough check to see if she is developing correctly. So far so good. It seems as though every time we go in though, the doctor moves the due date closer and closer to Christmas. Though I have a very strong feeling that our baby is going to arrive early, her technical due
date is now December 23rd ... oh my. I am going to stick to December 20th in my mind. It is more settling, and gives me hope that I won't be laying on a hospital bed during Christmas Eve. Every time we get to see her on the ultrasound, the tech tells us that she is such a squirmer, and it always takes forever to get her to sit still for any pictures ... does this remind you of somebody ... especially Wilson family members??? A little female Jeremey on the way if you ask me. YAY!!!
So as of Lately, I have been feeling even more sick than usual. I know ... how could I feel more sick??? I wonder too. Not with morning sickness, phew, thats over for the most part. But with extreme dizziness, far worse than more than my normal vertigo. We have no idea why, and I have started to feel as though it is not my place to figure out. What I do know, is that I am slowly coming to grips with the fact that there is a GOOD chance that I will NOT ever start to feel better till my pregnancy is over, and only the Lord knows if it will even happen then. It is a strange place to get to, but it is building Jeremey and my faith, as each day gets harder and harder. There really is no place to turn or to place my trust than in Jesus. I am of course anxious about what this means for the future, how I will deal with labor, and especially how I will handle taking care of a newborn, but I will drive myself crazy if I think about it too much. We would Love all the prayers we can get. Strength for my husband, the baby and myself. Emotional strength as we are humbled by the fact that we may need to aquire more help in the future once the baby is born. Prayer that the Lord will supply all of our "needs" not "wants" whether that be physically, spiritually or financially. Prayer for my physical body. It is very weak and needs much supernatural strength to endure the days to come. Prayer that Jeremey and my hearts would be sold out to the Lord, not just in trial, but in every aspect of life. Prayer that the Lord would continue to supply fellowship, friends who would willingly come alongside us in this time and support us in the Lord. (We have amazing friends, haha, you all are huge blessings to our lifes, and have encouraged us so much!), and prayer for wisdom and direction in the next 4 months!!! Hope you enjoy the pictures!